What I do when painting the skirting board: Paint the carpet. The previous owners did the same and so my paint covers really well.
What oil-based paint does not do: Come out of twice-painted carpet. It will stay there forever, a prickly testament to humour our soft-soled feet.
What I wonder when I’m painting: Who are the people who work behind the scenes in documentaries, going ahead of the likes of Bruce Parry to introduce their alien equipment and western ideas to baffled, wary tribesmen? What a job that must be… Even complex language cannot save you here, they must use something even more natural, almost primitive; palaeolithic: instinctual.
What men would do if they were wild: Make water atop the hills as the distant sun rises over the crest of the world and drink in its beauty like it was the last gulp they’d every take. How many days of a modern man’s life are spent staring at a wall, what a waste; they could put a decent picture up at least.