A poem #102 – Pleased to see you

It shames me to say
no good thought of you
has passed through my mind
since the first day
when parted ways.
Your long hair flowing
like the mouth of a river, down the bedside
and mine like the red torrent of the sea
where they should have mixed together there was instead
me not knowing, you not loving
more of me.
Tiny fingers outstretched
in search of your skin
to feel the blanket in which we swaddle the world
to take the sting
from the bite of its being
but, instead:
You asked if I was pleased
to see you, when we did
long afterwards, meet
but pleased is a happy word
sullied by the whispering slur
and I left my happiness
long ago at your teat
swept with your uncaring hand
to grow amongst
the kerb-line weeds.
So, no, I am not pleased
nor happy or aggrieved
but, the endless growings of
the motherless grey
and the numbness soaking
through the void between.
Standing here now
two adults again greet
I see that you too have taken the bottle
from it still
you drink most deep
always only, just a babe
with ruby-red flushed cheeks.
With old fingers now, shaking, outreached
to two rivers battling at the mouth of the sea
where they should have mixed forever
but still in the chop, bereaved
it is you who requires most the weaning
from the milk of the bottle
much more than me.

JP Collins


Quiet musings… day #1

What the bed said to me last night when I was asleep: You have jarred your back, I will try to comfort you but I can’t help if you keep shuffling around. Be still. Be calm.

What I do all night: Shuffle around.

What my head does today: Hurt.

What I take for my headache: Nothing, the pills make it worse. I hear they can give you headaches instead of relieving them.

Things I want my kids to know: All the things I do.

What I want them to be when they grow up: Good people.

Things I will never do with my kids: Take them to MacDonalds.

My thoughts when I tip my head back to gargle with the mouthwash, trying not to jar my back even more: That poor fly has been stuck on the ceiling for days, he must have landed there and gotten stuck on the condensation that forms there after we shower. He made all the effort to fly upside down and land there and look where it has gotten him. I should wipe him off with some tissue and bury him in the wash of the toilet, but that is no way to discard of something that once lived, not even a fly.

What I give my wife when I get home because she has had a bad day: Flowers, gerberas mainly, and two wooden reindeer for the TV stand at Christmas.

What she does: Cry, but smiles while she does it.

JP Collins